You’re not sleeping wrong – you’re just overthinking it

Sleep is not a fixed state – it’s a natural, fluctuating rhythm that reflects your life. You’ll sleep differently when you’re stressed, hormonal, recovering from illness or adjusting to shift work or travel. That’s not a problem. But today, many of us are worried about ordinary variations in sleep. When we have a disrupted night, we reach for a gadget, supplement or new routine, all while reinforcing the fear that something’s 'wrong'. In reality, the stress about your sleep might be doing more harm than the disrupted sleep itself.

What is good sleep?

It’s not about getting eight hours or ticking off a rigid bedtime checklist – sleep is working when you’re not thinking about it.

Good sleep means waking up feeling alert most days – not needing a nap at 10am or downing five coffees to get through. It doesn’t mean sleeping perfectly every night, it doesn’t mean never waking up, and it doesn’t mean you can’t function after a bad night.

The real goal? To have a system that's consistent and pressure-free so your body can do its job without you needing to 'try' to sleep.

Why snoozing is setting you back

The most powerful part of your sleep-wake system isn’t what happens at night, it’s what happens in the morning. That’s why pressing snooze or sleeping in at weekends can be such a sleep saboteur. When your wake-up time shifts, your circadian rhythm gets confused. The result? Less sleepiness at bedtime, fragmented sleep at night and a harder time waking up the next day.

Want to feel sleepy at the right time? Wake up at the same time – even after a poor night. Build your sleep drive, don’t baby it.

Sleep myths that need to go

• You need eight hours: False – sleep need varies from person to person and from day to day. Some people thrive on six and a half hours, some need nine. What matters is how you feel, not the number on your tracker.
• Phones ruin your sleep: True and false – yes, the light and stimulation can delay sleep if used at the wrong time, but banning screens can backfire, too. It's more helpful to create a meaningful wind-down period you enjoy, rather than forcing a no-phone policy you hate.
• Blackout blinds are essential: They help, but here’s the twist – morning light is even more important. If you’re struggling with sleep or mood, getting bright light exposure soon after waking – whether natural or artificial – can be a gamechanger.

Do you have insomnia?

You can have poor sleep without having insomnia. So what’s the difference?

Insomnia is a persistent problem falling asleep, staying asleep or waking too early, despite having the chance to sleep. If it’s been going on for more than three months and it’s affecting your life, it may be a learned pattern in the brain. In this case, sleep tips won’t cut it – you need a full reset of your sleep system.

This is where CBT-I (cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia) comes in. It’s evidence-based, widely recommended by sleep experts and the NHS and works by training your body to build sleep pressure, reset your body clock and reduce sleep anxiety.

What to do if you’re struggling

If you’ve been having issues for a few weeks or more, don’t panic but stop trying to 'fix' your sleep by doing more. Often, that’s the trap.

Instead, focus on doing less, but doing it consistently. This includes:

• Waking up at the same time every day (yes, weekends too)
• Getting light within 30 minutes of waking
• Being active during the day, even after a bad night
• Letting go of pressure to sleep a certain number of hours
• Not preparing for the next day right before bed
• Creating wind-down space without the aim of making you sleep – just to lower stimulation
• Avoiding lying in bed awake for hours – get up, reset and only return when sleepy

And most of all: don’t judge your day by your night. One rough night doesn’t define your sleep – it’s the consistency of your daytime behaviours that builds good sleep long-term.

So, what is the secret to good sleep?

Perfect sleep doesn’t exist. The pursuit of it – especially through fear, pressure, or rigid rules – often backfires. Instead, think of sleep like appetite: some days you’re hungrier than others, some days you sleep more, some days you don’t. That’s not failure, it’s being human. Don't track every toss and turn or fear every late bedtime. You just need to be consistent enough – and kind enough to yourself – to let your body get back to doing what it already knows how to do.

Now try...

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Stephanie Romiszewski is a leading sleep physiologist, director of The Sleepyhead Clinic, and creator of the internationally distributed BBC Maestro course Sleep Better. She has worked with institutions including Harvard Medical School doing studies for NASA, and the NHS. She founded re-sleep.com and sleepyheadclinic.co.uk. Known for her non-scaremongering, practical yet evidence-based approach to sleep, she helps people break free from insomnia without fear or perfectionism.

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